Bonus Blog... Thanks to Ian!

This should not be considered my Monday blog, that blog will be written tomorrow, Tuesday, 

BECAUSE...

My day started out as any normal Monday would. Johnny got up before all of us to start getting ready for work. The sun was barely starting to rise. His mini-me quickly followed and awoke cranky as usual. 

(Temper tantrum alarm clocks suck btw!)

I usually try to ignore the whining for as long as I can but this morning out came #2, just as whiny.

Ugh, I forced myself out of bed and immediately headed towards the Scope! With being extra extra large in the mid section these days, I have become a full on "snorer".  Johnny refuses to even co-sleep with this bear!  Therefore, in the mornings, Scope is my BFF and a must! Do not pass Scope before heading out to the living room!!

Morning routine went as usual: 

From dishwasher: 2 sippie cups, 2 lids, 2 inserts, open fridge door, keep fridge door open for light, milk pour #1, milk pour #2,  insert both cups into microwave, heat 1 minute 20 seconds...[whiny whiny, leg pulling, floor flopping, kicking, "Hot Milk, Hot Milk"], ding!, take milk out, put top #1 on, shake shake shake, milk for Jake, put top #2 on, shake shake shake, milk for Jack. Find TV remote. Tune in to Sprout. Plop on couch, Close eyes for 10-15 minutes. Everyone is happy. Change diaper #1. Change diaper #2. Get kicked over and over while changing diaper #2. Threaten time out. 

[Insert thought, How am I going to make it through today?] Start Tassimo Starbucks coffee for 1 immediately! Say, "Bye Bye Daddy. See you soon. We love you."

[Insert thought, What a nice morning he must have had. Hot Shower. Squawk Box. Love from kiddos, out the door and into...FREEDOM!]

But, it's Monday and that means only one thing....

[Insert, if it is not currently snowing or snowed in the last week!!! rrrrr!!!]

MOTHER'S DAY OUT!!

SWEET JESUS!!

AMEN TO THAT!!

Morning routine continues as usual: 

4 sippie cups, 4 lids, 4 inserts, 4 name labels. 2 with milk, 2 with juice. Assemble.  1 fruit. 1 cheese. 1 cracker/chip.  4 diapers/labeled & 2 spare diapers. 2 blankies. 1 paci.

Dress #1. Dress #2.  Get kicked over and over while dressing #2. Postpone dressing momentarily while I wait for #2 to get out of time out. Repeat. [Insert thought, How am I going to make it through today?] 

Load #1 into car. Load #2 into car.

**OH**WAIT**

Rewind...

This is where my day gets THROWN OFF COURSE!

#1 says, "Poo Poo" prior to loading into car.

*&^%$#@!

That's okay. Just a minor cliche. We can handle.

**OH**WAIT**

It's the runny kind!

[Insert thought, NOOOOOOOOOO! Do I pretend this isn't happening to me? Maybe it won't happen again. Maybe it is just a glitch? No, I can't do that. I have agreed to be ethical. I owe this courtesy to the other moms and I hope and expect them to honor it for me as well. Just be thankful it is #1 and not #2. What did you REALLY have to do today anyways. This is fine. What if he is sick, you don't want him to be at school, they'll call you anyways to come get him. That is a wasted trip. Suck it up. Keep him for the day. OKAY...you win good thought!]

So my good thought won out and we were finally loaded up and headed out to drop #2 off at school! What, no paci? How did it miss the massive check list? Since I have left the paci at home before, I knew this was going to create a quick round trip home and back. #2 WILL NOT sleep without his paci. I know, he is 2 1/2 and we are still trying to figure this one out. Don't we have till he is 3. I am holding on to 3. Bad mom or not. 3 is my number. I am hoping by then I can rationalize with him. Have a paci fairy visit or donate them to an orphanage or something. Hopefully he'll understand by 3!

We ran to Starbucks to feed my need. Back home to grab the paci and off to Target. We needed to get a few things to hold us over for the week in case the NEW WINTER STORM raises havoc like last weeks. Plus, I have been craving the new Peanut Butter Snickers ever since I saw their ad on the Super Bowl post show and Target was sure to have them!!

I strapped Jake into his stroller in the Target parking lot and planned to zoom in and out in a flash. I could use his stroller as a make shift cart too.  Perfect, Peanut Butter Snickers were right in the entry. One bag please! Oh, Peanut MMs, let's just grab one of those too! Check. Check. Marshmellows to hold Jake over during our shopping spree and a few odds and ends and we were off to find a short check out line. Not lane 1, or 2,  or 4.... how about 5. 5 looks good. Just two ladies in front of me with minimal amounts of rubbage. Lane #5 it was and we were locked in. 

[Insert: This is about the time where the preggo lady realizes she has to go potty! But then quickly realizes that she'll have to hold it because 1) She can't leave the kid in the check out line, 2) what a mess to try and roll a side-by-side stroller into the bathroom and 3) no one would willingly volunteering to babysit him! Therefore, said preggo lady must ignore the pounding of the near 8 pounder on said bladder for now!]

And this is where

IAN COMES IN!

Soooo..... the marshmellows were gone. #1 is saying, "All done, All done" and attempting to escape his stroller, my bladder was pounding and 38 weeks of pregnancy was setting in. I start to realize the check out dude is a newby. He is taking his sweet time checking out the lady in front of me. As if to exam each individual item before scanning it. Yogurt. Hmm. That looks tasty. Scccaaaaannnn. Baaaaagggg. Ponder. Toothpaste. I don't use this kind. Hmm. Scccaaaaannnn. Baaaaagggg. Ponder. After it took him two books and a scratch on his head to find the white onion code in the code book, I started to lose it. 

Lane 5 was a mistake!

[Insert thought: Why did I choose this lane? Why couldn't they have warned me, new checker dude works this lane!!!!! Why didn't I choose lane 2. Why????] 

To make matters worse, the lady in front of me looked like she had never shopped for herself a day in her life. She wore a long mink coat, had a diamond ring the size of her head and a luxurious purse the size of a large duffel bag. 

Finally, newby checker dude had finished his sale and it was time for her to pay. As I stare her down praying and hoping her turn is more efficient then his, the (assuming) Gaillardia house wife lets me down! As my eyes follow her every move, it is confirmed she has never used the credit key pad at Target before. I had to tell her twice (probably not politely) that it was asking for her debit code. Then I had to tell her twice again that it was trying to ask her questions and she should not look to the newby for guidance. Look lady, this suburbia housewife knows that at Target, there are a series questions. Yes, it is so annoying but I know them by heart:

1. What is your debit code
2. Do you want it all on this card
3. Do you want cash back

A lot, but simple. Just click through it and get going!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO ADD TO THIS!!!!!!!!!

Newby checker dude, IAN, yes I read his name tag, I had time to read his name tag as he slooowlllyyyy and ever so DELICATELY scanned each and every one of my items before tenderly bagging them one by one in the perfect little cubby of the sack! (I only had 3 sacks and it felt like I could of had 30!)

I had already scanned my debit card, answered my questions before he was done. I ran into a neighbor while I waited for my measly 10, maybe 15 items, and had a short conversation with her even before Ian was done scanning. She walked up and gave me a giggle. She said, "It looks like you need a hug." A little teary eyed, I replied, "Actually, I do!" "Your almost due, right?" "Yep, next week." "Hang in there." "I will. I am reminding myself that I can have a glass of wine in a few weeks; it will see through!" "Take Care." "I will."

Okay, back to death staring down IAN.  [Insert thought: GET A MOVE ON IT BUDDY! Can't you see I have an impatient little guy in the buggy, my stomach may explode with a baby at any moment and I could probably pee right here if someone told me it was ok to do so! And finally, why did I choose this lane again???]

AND NOW TO THE PURPOSE OF THIS ENTIRE BLOG!

Why - O- Why can there NOT be a check out lane for mom's with children under 5????

Don't you think this would be a great thing to implement at the Targets and Wal-Marts of the world during the week??????

It could just be open from 9 til noon. Or why not all day?!?!  Let all of the moms out there who are unfortunate enough to have to take their young children to the store to at least have a "special lane" to go through! 

• This lane would have a VETERAN check out dude. 
• He would have to be a speedy bagger. 
• He wouldn't make small talk. 
• He would know all his codes.

and 

• He would get us in and out of that lane like Lightening McQueen! 
• Only mom's who had small children could get in this line! 
• There would be NO gidgets and gadgets or treats within reaching length.
• There would be rubber guard rails. 

and

• Maybe a little cartoon TV station like they have at Six Flags!?!

I just think this is a grand idea and my friend, Kim, agrees! In fact, she is the one who prompted me to write this blog because she was the first to come up with this idea.

For all you moms out there who agree.... STAND UP AND ROAR! Okay, not really, but, seriously! :)

Anyways, Thanks to Ian, maybe one day we will have a mom's lane! I'll be the first to sign the petition!

Until tomorrow.... Happy Monday!

Dear Lord,

Please teach me to be patient, in life, with people and with myself. Sometimes I try to hurry things along instead of accepting the way they are. Teach me to trust in your sense of timing instead of my own. Help me to let life unfold slowly and to see the beauty in each and every moment. Help me to be a more patient and caring person and mommy. In Jesus name, I pray. - Amen!